How to Respond when the Doctor Yells at You

It’s been a while since a doctor yelled at me. In fact, it’s been some time since anyone yelled at me.  That’s why I was a bit taken aback, as I sat in the doctor’s office with a client, watching the veins bulge out of the cardiologist’s neck, thinking, ‘Wow, he’s a prime candidate for a heart attack himself.’

I don’t usually attend doctor’s visits with clients, but this time I felt like my older client was being thrown back and forth between specialists, prescribed tests without really anyone considering the repercussions or the burden of conducting all these tests on an older, frail, man who lives alone.

This is the point where I always feel health advocacy serves one of its most important functions.  Doctors provide much information to their patients.  Often, patients suffer from multiple health problems simultaneously and have other situations that can magnify their health issues, like age, family size, poverty, and other external stressors.   Some doctors just see the patient’s individual problem in front of him, as if under a magnifying glass, with the other health problems and stressors blurred on the periphery. This can be the moment for an outside agent to help the client and/or his family to review the information and make an informed decision that is right for him.

I had a feeling that was what was happening in this client’s case, so I accompanied him to the specialist. The doctor spoke in a low voice, almost monotone, looking over the information on the computer to reacquaint himself with the patient’s case.

The doctor ushered us into the office, speaking in low tones, almost monotone, looking over the information on the computer to reacquaint himself with the patient’s case.

“I see most of the results, but where is the last test I prescribed?” he asked, and I thought, ‘uh-oh, we could be heading for dangerous waters here’.  The client had chosen not to undergo that last test, as it was an uncomfortable test, requiring him to go to the hospital.  Being as that he lived alone and had no family, this would require him to take an expensive taxi both ways to the hospital, ask someone a favor to go with him and be there for several hours, and then return home, exhausted, to an empty apartment. Only to have to pick up the results at the hospital later, and return to the specialist for another tiring visit, where the results would be interpreted and future testing suggested or ruled out.

I said to the doctor that the patient was hesitant about this test, and what exactly would the results give us?

“Well, if we see a problem, we’ll go and do the next test, which is more invasive but can solve the blockage, on site, if we do see a problem,” he responded.

Aha, now I was starting to understand.  “Could we go on to the next phase from the get go, without the initially uncomfortable test, being that the patient was older,” I asked. “Age is not a factor,” the doctor replied.

Then I knew we were in a bit of a trouble.  If the doctor saw only this patient’s specific health complaint, and not the fact that it belonged to an 87-year-old man with a history of heart attacks, then how could we get him to have a thought process at all about the necessity and role of further testing?

Gamely, I continued and jumped into an explanation about the difficulty of the patient traveling to and from the hospital, the unpleasantness of the test, etc…

The low monotone stopped.  The doctor turned toward me, and with venom in his eyes, yelled a torrent of words at me, frankly, most of which I didn’t understand, but something about me speaking a bunch of irrelevant junk that was not in the least bit connected to the referral of this test.

Now, thank goodness, these situations do happen less and less in the Israeli healthcare system. I am frequently met with smiles and explanations from physicians, who want to help me, or the clients, make informed decisions.  Clearly, I had entered the lion’s den of doctors who want the patient to be seen and not heard, meekly accept the forms given to him or her,  perform all required tests and stay quiet.

So what were our options at this point?

  • Yell back at the doctor.
  • Shut up and ask no more questions.
  • Cry.
  • Storm out of the office.
  • Argue with the doctor.
  • Continue as if nothing had happened.

I usually choose the last option, as I did this time as well.  I looked at the doctor, questioned his need to yell at me, and after a few second pause continued to ask my questions. I knew that we would not get him on board to help us make a decision that fit the client’s needs, but at least we could gather as much information as possible.  Which is what I did for the next ten minutes. Slowly, waiting 30 seconds between each question to give him his computer time, gently judging how much to push and how much to hold back.

These kinds of doctor situations can be very intimidating. My advice is, don’t give up.  It is still your appointment, no matter how uncooperative the doctor may be, and you have the right to ascertain as much information as you need.

I also recommend that you don’t go back to that doctor again.

8 thoughts on “How to Respond when the Doctor Yells at You”

  1. Thanks for this blog post, Aviva! Definitely something worthy of my attention – I’ve never been afraid of doctors/health care specialists until I got to Israel…..They’re scary and they definitely can yell and be mean. It’s nice to have some advice/support about dealing with them.

  2. Cynthia MulliniksI

    I was recently yelled at by a doctor for no reason I left the office Conley but then I changed doctors just last week did not go back

      1. Two days ago I went to a new gp ( now surgeries are open) my first appointment in 3 years, to dicuss my pain medication. For (Hyper Mobile Elor Danlos Syndrome, Fibromyalgia.) Within 3 mins she’s yelling at me about medication I refuse to take becuse the side effects are truly awful. Within 5 I’m sobbing in disbelief like a vulnerable child, she’s still yelling at me 10mins later, so much anger and aggression
        toward me who shed never even met in her life. Im truing to tell her I”d just had therapy that lunch time, to discuss my husband’s recent death from cancer. Still she continued yelling yet now stating its not directed at me. It felt like I was in twilight zone, this can’t be happening. Sobbing uncontrollably I got up to leave and she grabbed my wrist telling me to calm down , I’m trying to pull myself away, so she used her other hand to grab my upper arm while still pulling at me, I’m begging her to let me leave and she states, she can’t let me go in this state i must calm down. This happened as recent as June 2022 in the Midlands UK.
        I contacted the practice manager who did what practice managers do, she and the abusive Gp are closing ranks. This gp has brought about a nervous breakdown, its made me incredibly ill. The practice manager states the Gp ( at my request) will write me a letter of opology and that will be as far as she’s willing to take the matter. Just like the medication I chose not to poison my body with that she the gp suggested. I’ll also decide when and how far I’ll take this. If I see another gp it will be too soon. I will be taking the letter of opology higher up.

    1. Had a dermatologist use cryotherapy on A growth It became very inflamed and I made another appointment to days later because I thought it was infected he told me it was not and I had him look at another growth on my back he said was nothing to worry about I said OK and he was about to walk out the door and I was putting on my jacket and I said so dock there is nothing to worry about ? He became very angry and said I already answered your questions I asked him why he was getting upset and he said you are really beginning to annoy me and I said to him why am I annoying you and he said again you are really getting on my nerves and he slammed the door I then walked out into the hallway where he was standing and approached him and told him he was acting in a rude unprofessional manner at which time he told me he does not have the time to keep repeating answers I then walked out into the hallway where he was standing and approached him and told him he was acting in a rude unprofessional manner at which time he told me he does not have the time to keep repeating answers I told him it’s my appointment and I was just reiterating that everything was OK and here you are getting angry unprofessional and rude with me when I’m paying your salary and again it’s my appointment he told me that I should not have come back due to the fact that they are limited in their staff due to the coronavirus I told him I called and The receptionist told me he had multiple appointment slots available and that I was not walking in without an appointment demanding to see him in between patients He told me he was done talking to me and I told him that I was going to report him to whoever is in charge of the dermatology group along with the a AMA also put a review on YouTube about my experience with him

  3. How is not going back standing up for yourself. Don’t we want to stop these kind of doctors from scaring the next patient. I know from experience that by not going back to an abusive Dr. might keep you from going to any Dr. because it is scary embarrassing and tramatic for someone like me who suffers from PTSD.

    1. While I agree that we definitely need to confront bad behavior, we also need to know how to choose our battles. Mostly likely we will not change the doctor’s bad behavior and we need to focus our energies on protecting our selves and getting better.

  4. I had an experience with my gastroentrologist. I had a colonoscopy that was scheduled a few days before Halloween. Even though I took the medication needed for the procedure, one of the intake nurses was rather rude and condescending. The nurse insisted that I was a drug user. I had been seeing the doctor for over 40 years due to having celiac disease. The doctor just yelled at me “Get out!”

    I have yet to see another doctor.

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